See, I knew once the doctor got the message that I actually wanted to talk to him, that he'd call......and he did. He says that the ovarian vein is no big deal, and that is shouldn't be to blame for what's going on....So, see I was worrying myself about nothing. Or at least I hope I was....I still have that strange feeling that it has something to do with something...But I need to just give myself a break and trust the doctor. Not matter what, time will tell, and the just of it will comeout. It always does. So I guess....I just gotta sit back and wait for the cysto. July 7th is my new appt date.

Making a mental note here....

No phone call from the doctor yesterday....and then this morning my 'favorite' nurse calls to tell me that the doctor does still want to do the cysto. because of the blood in my urine. OK, not exactly what I had in mind.....I was really hoping to talk to the actual doctor!! I asked the nurse if this meant that he himself wasn't going to call, and she said that he had just left her a note saying this.....So I told her never mind, and that I Guess I would have to find another channel to go through..and then I hung up. I'M REALLY REALLY ANNOYED AT THIS POINT!! So annoyed that I am afraid I can't talk about it! Wouldn't want to say anything that might come back to haunt me later:)

So.....I'll be back when I have something nice to say!

...woke up wet this morning from the night sweats, and my heart monitor connector thingies were totally in the wrong place.....When you sweat they slide, lol! .....and I have some kind of pinched nerve running down my left side into my leg. And we won't even discuss that my heart feels like it's going a million miles a minute~ betcha can't guess why, Bah hahahaha...

OK...this time I'm really outta here.....
Until Next time....

And today I'm rambling on about life.....

I must find the humor in this, if I want to move forward. Don't you love when your body plays tricks on you. Let's take my heart for example. Last month, and the month before that....actually going all the way back to Jan....I've been feeling PVC's. Not like before, but enough to know that I'm having them........So I talked to the heart doc, and have been wearing a 21 day event monitor to catch them. But wouldn't you know that since I've had this stupid machine on....I haven't felt a single one! So annoying, but it's nice to not have them, too. However, I was hoping the doctor could check out what I'm talking about. I know by know I'm not going crazy, that it's just my body doing what it wants to when it wants to. But it still makes it all so confusing!!

Most people run fevers when they have an infection.....I do not. Most women have that friendly little reminder every month to remind them that they're a woman.....Mine does not. And this makes it hard to track my cycle. I'm left to guess. I need to figure out a way to track it, so I can make an appointment to get it looked at again. It's been nice this past week....No night sweats, and no painful breast cyst or chect pains. I'm guessing this week will not be the same.

OK....enough babbling...........I'm off to go wait for the doctor to call......That's if my favorite nurse didn't forget to give him the message! Then again, she could have, and maybe he just has a busy morning! See what happens........Your left to make your own assumptions, and depending on which way your twisted mind works....You can really worry yourself. My thought is don't....Find something constructive to do! Never assume anything, lol.....You'll drive yourself nuts, like I'm doing right now, and well.......It just makes you sicker. LOL......Now do you see why I craft! :)

Quick update!

...so I finally got up the nerve to call the doctor yesterday, and I ended up having to leave a message.....And you'd never guess who called me back~ Yup! My favorite nurse, Bah hahahaha!!! I just can't seem to get away from her. Now, mind you I called at 10ish yesterday morning, and got the call back at 5:09 last night! So, now I have to wait for Monday, and hope that the doctor gets my message!!! I'm really not trying to go up there and throw my ass around to get them to understand, I'M TIRED OF PLAYING THESE FREAKIN GAMES!!! I also cancelled Physical Therapy, and am waiting on the PT to call me back, so I can tell her what's going on. The appt. I canceled was my last appt with her for a while. Figured we take a break, so I could get this other stuff done......That's if I can get that Damn nurse to do her job!!!

My left leg keeps going numb, and I'm a little over it! Have to keep it elevated just to keep the numbness away! And I've got cramps!

And did I mention I'm Grumpy!!! Really really grumpy:)

OK...until next time!

And Today...

I'm still pissed! And well.....that's all I really have to say about that! Still need to call the doctor, Just haven't calmed down enough to do so yet. I did see my 'head' doctor today, and was able to vent a little.....It was nice to have someone to talk to who knew what I was talking about! I am really going to miss having her around! I told her today, that I wasn't really ready to start over with someone else....and that I might wait a while, and see how it goes. I'd like to find someone with a medical background like she does. It's nice to have someone who understands what I'm talking about. She joked about how I was going to have a medical degree before this was all over with. And she agreed with me about this being as plain as the words on the page. This meaning the ovarian vein being the curprit for my leg problems.....among other things. OK......I gotta stop thinking about this or I drive myself mad!

Just Breathe Katie.......this too shall pass!

I am a Light and I want to Illuminate...

I received the following award this morning from Sans at http://sansdollhousediaries.blogspot.com/
Thank-you Susan for taking the time to stop by and award this blog!



The rules of this award are:


1.-To complete the following phrase: I AM A LIGHT AND WANT TO ILLUMINATE...


2. - Link the blog from where the award came from and leave a message informing that person it has been received.


3.- Link and pass the award to five blogs that, in your opinion, are blogs of light.

So Here goes......
I AM A LIGHT AND I WANT TO ILLUMINATE.....
the way to a better quality of life!
Just because someone is sick, or disabled...
Doesn't mean that they have to stop living!
I want to help people learn how to take the time to stop and smell the Roses.
Even if it's only for a second, Stop and see the beauty around you,
Everyday!!
This is the only life we get.......
So make it Count!

I'd like to pass this blog onto 5 people that have given me a light to follow...
1. Casey from http://caseymini.blogspot.com/
Casey has been writing everyday for over a year now about miniatures. It's something I look forward to each and every day!! She has the best ideas, and is a wonderful teacher! Thank-you Casey for giving us so much eye-candy!

2. Minikat from http://minikatslittlethoughts.blogspot.com/
MiniKat has been so friendly and encouraging with this blog, and I am truly grateful for it!! I know how hard it is to leave a comment on here...People just don't know what to say, I guess...But Minikat always has something kind to say! Thanks for being my friend! Big Hug!!!

3. Mercedes over at http://libertybiberty.blogspot.com/
Mercedes is a Mom like me....and we often share emails about minis and family! LOL...Mercedes and Liberty have become household names over here, lol! Thanks for making time for my family Mercedes!

4. Ana from http://miniaturesforever.blogspot.com/, although these days you can find her here: http://foreverbags.blogspot.com/
Ana was one of the first people I ever talked to in Blogland, and we've become great friends! She makes some beautiful miniature furniture, and is now making personalized bags! Thank-you Ana for all the 'miniature' encouragement you've given me, and especially for my book!!! :)

5. Chris from http://candidcanine.blogspot.com/
Oh where would I be without Chris! She's one of the biggest reasons I got into Minis! And stayed with minis...and she's to blame for me having more then one house, hehehe.....she really got my brain seeing minis!!! LOL! Oh...and she encouraged me to write! So Thank-you Chris!! I know we don't talk much these days....but You know I think of you and your family All the time!!!

It's always so hard to just pick 5! There's so many of you that keep me going, so many that inspire me to keep 'crafting'!! I truly feel blessed to have found the mini world here in Blogland!! Thanks!!! :)

Katie :)

Lord, Grant me the ability to keep my Mouth shut!!

So....I'm back.....and I'm pissed! I went to my cystoscopy today, to only find out that the freaking nurse never scheduled the appointment! She called and left me a message as to when it was...and she sent me a letter in the mail.....but never wrote it down on their end! Ask me if I was breathing fire! And Yes this is the same nurse I was having problems with a few months ago! I am so annoyed!! But I kept my cool, Yes I did! My son would of been proud! LOL!! So she had to reschedule it, and when she gave me a time and date...I said are You sure?? Am I really going to have an appointment for that day?? I also asked if I could have a copy of my CT that was done 2 months ago......and when she asked me where I had it done, I politely reminded her it was at the ER...remember that experience?? If I didn't know better, I'd say this nurse has it out for me?? I don't need this stress.....Really I don't. I was so nervous about today....and now I have to wait 3 more weeks! What the F*C*???

And my Ct report just makes me more nervous! It says I have a "Prominent left ovarian vein and multiple prominent pelvic vessels." It also says "this finding has been associated in the past with pelvic congestion syndrome." So......what does that mean. LOL...Ok, here's me playing doctor....we'll have to wait and see how close I am to the truth. After doing some research online, I have learned that I have 'varicose veins' in my abdomen that are causing blood flow problems. Now, call me retarded, but wouldn't this explain why I lose circulation in my legs when I sit or stand??? And going back through my records, I see that this has been something that has been brought up before, but was never discussed with me. I don't even know how I missed it, I normally go through my records with a fine toothed comb, because I know that drs are busy, and that things are missed. But, for real...is this not like a duh moment or what??? Maybe it's just me, and I'm feeling loud mouthed and angry, but Hello. I can't do this all by myself!! I feel like I keep running into the same brick wall over and over again!! Somebody please stop me!!

So...I probably need to call the doctor tomorrow and ask what this means. I have read several articles about this online this afternoon, and none of it sounds like a walk in the park. Hopefully I'm reading way beyond what I should, and there's a quick fix, but I just have that feeling that it's just not that easy! Nothing ever is around here! Damn it!

LOL....I'm off to go find something to kick!!! &%^$^&%&^ NURSE!!!!

A quick update:

I'm still here....waiting for my car! It's been in the shop for a couple of days now, at first they thought she just needed a tune-up, and then she also needed new tires to pass inspection. So they kept her over night, and took her to get new front tires yesterday morning. They said on the way back to the shop, she started shaking, so when I talked to the mechanics last they were going to take the computer apart and see if anything else was wet. Still haven't heard from them yet this morning....Hopefully she's fine, and was just having a 'moment' yesterday! I'd really like to have my car this weekend!!

So.....the heart monitor is already getting on my nerves. I don't sleep in one place at night and wake up all tangled up in the cords, lol. I also sweat a lot, and that makes the sticky tabs melt and side. I haven't felt a PVC since it was put on Tuesday afternoon, but I did just call in my first recording. And it was soooo long, lol. I haven't pushed the button once, and don't plan on pushing it till I feel a PVC. My guess is that I will get them next week when I start my 'cycle'.

Actually, Yesterday was a good day! First good day in a long time. No headaches, no dizziness, no breast pain. And I even got a nap in!!! Woke up wet, but that's ok....I can deal with that! Actually I can deal with most of the crap~ it's dealing with it all together that gets Old!!!

OK....So I stopped taking the Fludrocortisone (Florinef) about a week ago, and my stomach is starting to balance itself back it. Sometimes I just can't take certain things, and I guess that's one of them????

And I did go back to the slow release Toprol (Metoprolol SUCC XL 50mg). And it makes me realize that this is not something that I want to be on for the rest of my life. It makes me tired all day, and were not talking about a little tired, were talking about feeling like I haven't slept in days....Sloth Like~ And I can't be like that. I have kids.....preteens to be precise, and I need to be able to keep up with them. Well, I need to be able to at least try and keep up with them. I don't want to feel like I'm glued to the couch!

OK...this is going to be quick today, Just wanted to jot down a few things...... Hope ya'll have a great weekend!!! Talk to you later! Katie :)

Me and My Grumpy self is back....

(*I posted this in the wrong blog this morning...sorry to have confused ya! LOL)

What a crazy night last night. I was asleep by 6......and woke up at 2 am throwing up what I had eaten for lunch! Yes! Gross! But this is what it is, hahaha....so you get to hear it! I don't think my stomach had processed anything I ate yesterday! Was back asleep soon after, and up at 6 this morning. Forgot to take my medicine last night, so I'm all jittery this morning....But I'm Not sleepy anymore, lol!!!!

Got a rental car yesterday, but my car is still sitting out front.....trying to give her another day to dry out, and hope we can get her running long enough to get her to the shop...time will tell.

Wouldn't of needed a rental if today wasn't going to be a crazy day! LOL, When scheduling everything, I planned all my appointments for the same day, so I could have the rest of the week off....and well......today is that day. First, is Drew's allergy shots in downtown Norfolk, then I have to bring him back out here to go to school..... Then head back out to Norfolk for Physical Therapy. At 1 I have to be in Chesapeake to get my heart monitor....and back out this way around 4 to take the bf to get some more dental work done. I'm tired just thinking about it. Oh, and if have time, I really need to go to the grocery store and the pet store. Fun, huh? But at least I'll have the rest of the week to lay around.....maybe. lol

Rain, Rain, Go Away!! And Don't come back another day!

I kinda feel like the frog in this picture! Looks like he's peeking out after a good rain storm to see if the sun is coming out yet?!

I'm starting to wish I hadn't thrown away my other pills. I switched heart meds again last week, and the new stuff is kicking my butt~ which means it's doing it's job. But I hate feeling like this. All I want to do is lie around and veg! And I don't have time for that kind of crap....not with 3 kids and a broke down car! I need to be super woman right now, so I can get a handle on my 'real life' and get everything back to normal.

Breast cyst and the night sweats have been annoying all weekend!! Had one heck of a headache last night, that still seems to be lingering around this morning. Bowels are moving fine, Bladder has been on fire. Having to take hot baths at night to numb out the burning feeling. And I'm stressed! And cranky.....and all I want to do is go back to bed......but No!

First I gotta get a tow truck to come get my car, and then it's off to find a rental car so I can go to some really important dr. appts this week. Damn! I wish I had a friend like me that would let you borrow their car when you need to. Not that I ever need too, but for real, every once in a while I need help, and I just don't even bother to ask for it, cause it's just too much of a problem. My Momma raised me to know that You just have to do it, that no one else is going to come along and do it for you.....so just do it. Funny, everything My Mother ever said to me as a child, is true, lol. Thanks Mom! LOL.... OK, let me say this.....I know the bff will do anything to help me, but he does have his own life too......Yes, the bff and the bf are both Men! The bff has been one of my closest friends for over 7, 8 years now......And lived next door for most of that time. His room mate was another one of my best friends (We'll call him bff#2, lol), who had actually rented from me for years before he moved in next door. I miss those days! It was nice having someone right next door to talk to. Both of them knew me back when I was working 10 hours a day......and both of them watched me slowly fade away. I remember a time when I was sitting at the kitchen table (sitting because i was too tired to stand up), anyways I was making PB&Js for everyone, and feel asleep right on the bread! Bff #2 was living here and came in, laughed at me, and told me to go to bed!! ...I don't give up easily!! LOL.... I also remember a time when I was really doped up on pain meds, and laying in the middle of my living room floor, with all three kids talking to me at the same time ( I think they were about 4,5, and 6). My room mates were here, laughing at me trying to listen to all of them.....I don't remember a thing the kids said to me that night, I just remember all of them being 2 inches away from my face, and they were talking up a storm!! It was cute now that I look back at it. They do tend to grow up quick don't they!! They all still try and talk to me at the same time, too! But I'm getting better at listening to 3 conversations now, lol.

And now I'm rambling! LOL......Ok, guess it's time to get my butt in gear and do this!

Random thoughts on any average day...

Do you ever turn the music up so you don't have to listen to the thoughts in your own head. I really do love music. It brings back so many memories. Different songs will stick in my head to remind me of the 'good' and the 'bad' times. Every time I hear Nothing Else Matters By Metallica I think of when I was a teenager and how I used to sleep with my windows open and fall asleep at night to the sound of my neighbor's son playing his guitar.....Still to this day... I don't think he ever knew I was listening...Thank-you Jeremy for putting me to sleep every night! The song Wind Beneath my Wings by Bette Milder reminds me of when I was in the Fourth grade and I looked up and saw my Mom in the door of my classroom, with a look I had never scene before. There had been an explosion on the ship my Dad was on, the USS Iowa, and at the time, all she knew was that there had been a really bad accident.... My dad was OK, but he really went through a rough time with all that surrounded that time frame in our life. That song was dedicated to the battleship when it came home! And every time I hear the song now I think of him. BTW...I miss my Dad...he's close, we just don't talk these days. Family drama......but I do miss him, Or at least the person I used to know.

...wouldn't it be nice if they played Lynyrd Skynard... some Free Bird or Simple Man; or even some Bob Marley!! in Pre Op... Something that would relax someone and put them in another dimension.....LMAO~ Did I ever tell you that when my kids were born, I was sitting on a beach somewhere drinking a fruity big girl drink....in my mind, lol....Mind over matter!!!

So......My new meds are really slowing me down, which means they're working, I just don't like feeling like a sloth all day. Other than going to the post office, I haven't done a darn thing today!

I did watch a really good Movie earlier today called New in Town. Really funny movie! Had me crying I was laughing so hard. And the moral of the story was really what I needed right now. It's about never giving up, and just when you think things are over, sometimes you have to try something different......What's the worst that could happen! LOL...I know it sounds awful if you follow what I'm talking about......but for real for real, I feel like I've already hit rock bottom, and that it's all up hill from here. I hope. I just have to take a chance.

Oh, and a bit of humor......When I was at the Post Office earlier, I had a young gentlemen come up to me and give me his business card. He said he was a personal trainer, and then said "Not that you need it".....and I had to laugh! I have been trying for a few years now to get my ass back, thank-you! 2 years ago, my cheeks looked hollow and I was in a size 4...I've never been in a four! I was at least a 12 in high school.....But I have worked hard at eating and I'm back into a size 9!! And for someone who's really not crazy about food, this has been hard. There's such a long list of the foods that I am suppose to avoid, that it takes all the fun out of eating. It more or less is a chore. At one point, I couldn't even digest food, and was reduced to drinking Ensures. LOL, Yuck, That stuff tasted like chocolate chalk! But I drank it!! My point is, I appreciate this strangers suggestion.......but I think I got it from here. Don't worry, If I decide to go through the surgeries, I will lose it all again, but for now I really need that butt to be there to lie on the OR table!

Ok...its time for an Update:
*Breast cyst is starting to shrink....Wasn't too wet when I woke up this morning.
*And other than being really groggy and sloth like, I've a decent, unproductive day of sitting on the couch! LOL

Pretty good day if you ask me:)
Until Next time:)

To do or Not to do....

Well........ Life is getting exciting again, and I really don't know if I want to go along for the ride.

So, I spoke with my heart doc this morning. And had the same conversation I had with him the last time. You see...I have SVT, which means my heart is going to fast, and they want to do an ablation to slow it down. However, with this type of surgery, there is no guarantee that it will work. Well, it seems to work for a little while, but then the patients have to come back and have another, and eventually end up with a pacemaker. However!! The patients that end up with pace makers have a much better quality of life then before. Yes, I have done my homework about all of this, and I Really do trust the surgeon with my life. He's not telling me what to do, just suggesting a way to take a chance at a better life.

I have had 3 ablations before, for another problem......and I'm not too excited about going back to the Cath Lab for more. But, I'm tired.....and I want more out of life......so decisions have to be made. And the good news about this surgery is they only have to use 2 catheters, instead of 4 like they normally use! LOL, I'm trying to find the bright side of things here, can't you tell.....LMAO!!!

I also spoke with him about the PVC's coming back....and told him that they weren't really bad enough to complain about yet, but that I know how this story goes. I asked him if they could do both ablations at the same time...and he explained to me why they really couldn't. For one ablation, they'll put me totally under, and the other one has to be done awake~ Or in my case, sedated. I can't do them awake, it hurts too much!!! LOL...Oh well, I was trying to 'kill two birds with one stone' here..... He's curious to see where the new PVC's could be coming from, so I'll get another 21 day event monitor in a couple of weeks, and hopefully we can catch them. I used to get them so bad, I only had to wear the monitor for 24 hours and would have 30 pages of BS!! LOL....So, I'd say I'm moving up in the world!! Woooooo-Who! In the back of my mind, I was already prepared for them to come back....I'm a realist! And I've learned to expect the worst, and pray for the best!

I've managed to put this stuff off for over a year now, It's time to stop 'playing' and get on with it. Part of me was just hoping it 'would go away' and the other part of me just wanted to enjoy a year without being cut open!! Dang it!!! Now I get to think about making one of the biggest decisions of my life. Man, am I overwhelmed!!! Between my bladder, my boob and my heart, I swear.....

OK...I'm off to go watch a 'happy' movie and pretend for another hour or so that life is normal.
:)

*And I won't talk about that fact that my breast is hurting today from this stupid cyst!! can't a girl get a break??? Hahaha