Saturday, October 17, 2009

My Grandmother

My Mother called earlier today to tell me that my grandmother is not doing really well, and they have asked for the family to come. She had surgery on her bowels about a month ago, and never really fully recovered from the surgery. She's had colon cancer twice, and lived through that! But now that she's older, her body isn't holding up as well as we would like it to. My Mom has told me she will fly me out to California when I'm ready....but I told her, I should probably wait until Monday, and get a doctors clearance before I fly. I get really sick when flying, and I want to make sure I can handle that. Among everything else.

Grandma is 86, I think, and has been married to Grandpa for over sixty something years. And I don't think Grandpa knows how to deal with this.....he's always had her with him! It's so sad when you see older couples that have been together forever, lose one another. She's my Last living Grandmother.

....And I can't be there.....yet! Hopefully by the grace of God, this is just a hiccup in the road, and Grandma will be back to normal in no time, but I fear the worst. Time will tell........and until then, all I can do is wait.

So time is starting to run together and I'm not sure where I last left off. But this is where we are at today. Mom called last night to tell me the doctor had been by and that Grandma was now in a coma. He told the family that she would probably pass on during the night...if not the next day. It is now Thursday the 22nd of Oct.....and because of the stupid time difference, I have to sit and wait another 3 hours before I can call my Mom. Not to mention the fact that I'm still waiting on the doctor to call. THAT has been one big mess!!

So, I was trying to get in and see the 2nd OBGYN, to get her opinion about the cyst....And then her Secretary called me Early Monday morning to tell me that she (The doctor) had the flu and would not be in the office that day. So then I called my PCP and made an appointment.......and while I was at that appt, I got him to run a few basic tests. They're checking my blood to make sure I'm not anemic....and they now have a stool sample to check for blood. However that was Tuesday...and the doctor told me he was going to call the 1st OBGYN to see what we could do to get my appointment moved up. And he said he'd either call me that afternoon or the next morning to let me know. And well....I'm still waiting. I'm guessing the blood work hasn't hit his desk yet, and considering that this is the beginning of flu season, they've been really busy.

Like I said..... I'm waiting........waiting for the doctor to call and tell me I'll be fine, so I can get on a plane and go be with my Mom before she breaks down. I know I've missed the opportunity to talk to Grandma, but I also know My Mom needs me there right now, even if she says she don't. I'm her only child......and she's my world!

Needless to say.....I am REALLY frustrated with things right now...and I just don't know what to do. Really, I am not trying to whine here about something that might seem so simple to someone else...I'm just not trying to cause anymore drama for the family.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Is it just me??

Or do you get really annoyed when you show up at the doctors 30 minutes early to fill out paperwork, for someone to then come out and tell you 30 minutes after your appointment that the doctor is running an hour late????? Ya know, I am really getting tired of this whole game you play with being 'sick'. I understand that there is thing called emergencies, but darn it, when you piggy back patients every 15 minutes, that doesn't give you anytime for emergencies....and some of your other patients, who might not be in a dire emergency, but really need to talk to someone, are left to sit and wait. When the receptionist came out yesterday and told me the doctor was behind, I asked her if I could come back or could we reschedule....and she said she had to ask the nurse. And the nurse said something like if I wasn't back when she called me then I wouldn't get seen. NOW......would it really be that hard for the nurse to WORK WITH ME??? Seriously, I can barely sit for an hour without my legs going numb.....not to mention the pressure that I get in my abdomen from no I'm not going to sit in the waiting room forever waiting.....I'll come back! So we rescheduled for Monday. Hopefully it goes a lot smoother then! BUT DAMN Am I ANNOYED! Really, I'm tired of this shit! I'm tired of waiting.....I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of taking a Valium just so I can get through shit without going postal! If I could get my head to spin around, I would...and then I'd ask them...CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???

I did manage to ask if they had gotten my other records, and they I guess i can forgive them for the whole time management thing........So, keep your fingers crossed that I can get a little further ahead on Monday!!

Oh....and while I'm thinking of it......I really need to find another head doc. I thought I could do this on my own.....but I'm just not that sure anymore!!!! I really, really miss Linda!!! Damn you for retiring, LOL!!!!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I knew I wasn't Crazy!!

So....When I had my breast surgery......I remember waking up in the post op room, and looking up at my vitals.......and I remembered seeing that my temp was 94 point something...............But when I talked to the surgeon after surgery, she said that she didn't remember anything about my temp dropping and that if it was 94 degrees, I'd be dead...........And I figured since I was just waking up from some surgery, I had probably misread something or something. But my instincts told me otherwise..........So last week I went down to the records department and requested copies............And today, they came in the mail...............And WELL.......I couldn't feel better. See, I had read it right!! And just in case you can't read the numbers......they were:
91.1 at 9:30
93.3 at 9:35
93.7 at 9:40
94.1 at 9:45
.....and I'm not dead!
So, unless there is some other explanation for this.........I might be on to something here. Don't worry....this is just another one of those things that goes along with having Dysautonomia, I think, but I'm wondering if anyone else with this has ever seen the same pattern with having surgeries? Any anesthesiologist out there seen this in another patient? Just wondering....

But I will say this one more time before I go....
It's so good to know that I'm not crazy, and that I wasn't seeing stuff. And feels even better to be right, lol! Can I do my happy dance now??

Oh....and while I have the report in my hand....
My mass biopsy report reads:
"Focal biopsy site changes with stromal fibrosis and fibroadenomatoid change"
and that simply means.....Benign hormonal changes....((i think))
OK.......that's enough excitement for one day:)
Until Next time....

Monday, October 12, 2009

Update on that stitch

If you read my last post, You'll know that one of my stitches was giving me did my homework, looked online enough to learn what they are, and how long it should take for them to go away. And seeing as I have had mine for a little over a month, I figured it was time for it to go. First......let me gross you out and let you read part of what I read:

To your body, stitches are a foreign substance, and the body is programmed to destroy foreign substances. Dissolvable stitches are made from natural materials, such as processed collagen (animal intestines), silk and hair, ((OK, Now that's just nasty!!))as well as some synthetic materials that the body can break down. This allows the body to dissolve the stitches over time. Usually, by the time the stitches are dissolved, the wound is completely healed.

Occasionally, a stitch won't dissolve completely. This usually occurs when part of the stitch is left on the outside of the body. There, the body's fluids cannot dissolve and decompose the stitch, so it remains intact. A doctor can easily remove the remaining piece of stitch once the wound is closed.

So, first thing this morning, I called the dr. office and spoke with the nurse who told me to come on in, and she'd pull it out for me. So, off I went, was there all of 5 minutes........and she pulled most of it out, and cut it. She said that my body would either dissolve the rest of it, or it would push it out. Fun! I will say, my boob is a little sore, and the area is a little red. So I will keep me eye on it and see what it does. Time will tell, huh!

And while I'm here.......I've also been doing a lot of research on information I will need to make the final decision on hormones/verses surgery. I will say this I DO NOT want to go back on Lupron shots- it shuts down your cycle and throws you into a temporary menopause. I have to done 2 cycles of these in the past....and from what I've read, I should of only done one cycle. There's some more tests I want run.....for example, a simple blood test to check and see if I'm anemic. I know when you bleed internally, that it can cause problems, and I want to know if mine is causing this kinda problem. I also need to get a bone density test done to see where my levels are with that. With those 2 cycles of Injections, I was suppose to get tested and I never did, so I'd like to know where I'm at to see how much damage there is, and if I can handle any more damage. Am I making sense.....I sure hope so. See, this is what goes on in my head.......Questions, questions, questions. But, I have them all written down, actually they're typed up now.....And separated into 3 sections. One is general questions that any OBGYN could answer...another section for hard questions, that I think only the Professor Dr could answer, and another section for all those weird symptoms I'm having. I also have lots of little notes written in the margin. I want to make the best out of the time I get with these doctors so I can make a very informed decision as to what I want to do.

I do know this much. I really don't want to try hormone therapy again. It only post-pones the final decision, and there's no real benefit to taking it other than to hopefully shrink the cyst, and from what I've read it really isn't meant to be used for treatment of cysts. I'm really not ready to lose my only ovary, however......this thing hurts. And I truly believe that my bowels are somehow involved. And I'm really not trying to go through what I went through back when my insides came out. No one has been inside my abdomen since that surgery, and I'd be curious to know what kind of damage having that Foley balloon in my abdomen for a month could of done. I've got so many questions, my head hurts!!

So......until then I will keep trying to read every thing I can get my hands on. I want to make sure I am making the best choice! Well, the best choice for me that is!

OK....until next time:)

....Oh, and one more thing. I know a few of you out there have read my blogs enough to know that this surgery was number 18 for me. And yet, I've never had to have stitches taken out! This was a first for me, mine have always dissolved......and most of my surgeries were laproscopic, so my incision were really tiny. As they say, there's a first time for everything!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Pictures of my scar.....


At first, I wasn't going to share these, I felt it was a little too personal to post 'online'. And Now....well, it's gotten a little weird, so I thought what the hell........ Plus, if you ever need to have a mass removed and your in the Tidewater area of Va....I can recommend a great surgeon, just email me! She does really great work....remember now, this is my second surgery......she went right over the original scar, and you can't even tell....

So...Here's day one. Bruising hasn't started yet....But everything is swollen! week post surgery, and everything started bruising up.

And here we are 1 month post surgery, and my scar looks great! Well....except that little white thing over there on the right. It's a dis-solvable stitch that doesn't want to dissolve. Last night I was scratching what was left of my scab.......

and this came out.....

Kinda looks like thin fishing line. Anyways....I scratched one out...and I seem to still have one stuck in there~ the one in the picture above. Kinda new to me....not to sure what to think of's just weird and it itches. We'll see what it does over the weekend and if it's still there Monday, I'll call the nurse to see how long before it actually dissolves or see if they can just pull it out. I have tried to pull it, but it seems to be in there pretty good. And I'm really trying hard not to mess with it....but it itches, darn it!

And on another note.....cause I just feel like complaining right now........ My freaking insides are killing me! Lots of pressure, and pulling. I go Wednesday to talk to the '2nd opinion doc', and I've got my list of questions ready. Hopefully I can get her to run some tests, so I can be better informed as to the decision I have to make. I want to know whatevery thing else is doing, so I know how much this cyst is effecting me. I will be back with that list when I get it written down....for's still in my head. So.......

I'm off to go write down whats on my mind before I forget!!!

Talk to you soon! :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

"I told you so....."

I guess the best place to start is as the beginning right........

So, Monday.....I went and saw my primary care Doctor.....and caught him up to speed on what I've been up to. We also discussed my abdominal pain, and he agreed with the direction I want to go......And suggested that I get a second GYN opinion. Well, I know how this game is played, and I had already made an appointment with my regular GYN.......I'm due for my annual, so thought I'd talk to her while I was there about what she thinks. My PCP is also requesting my records from all these ultrasounds so he can take a closer look.

Tuesday.....I met with the breast surgeon, to follow-up from surgery. My test results came back benign again:) Seems this time is was the beginning of a tumor, but not the same kind I had the first time. This doc talks super fast......and I tend to miss a lot of what she says!! She did something about it just being normal hormonal changes. Hopefully tomorrow, I can go request these records, and when I get them back, I'll let you know what term they used. My scab has almost completely fallen off, and the scar is looking great!!

Wednesday.....I felt like Crap! My insides hurt, and I ended up with an awful migraine.....So I slept most of the day.

And today I went back for my follow-up ultrasound........and guess what......That cyst on my ovary is still bleeding!!! Well....duh!!! I so badly wanted to say.."I told you so!!" But I didn't. Luckily I remembered to take a Valium before I went in, so I was on my bestest behavior! So......Where do we go from here??? I have 2 options.......either I go back on hormones/ birth control to control the growth of the cysts.....which I really don't want to do. I have been on these types of medications before, and it was no I truly believe that it was one of the triggers for my heart acting up. So, I'm really scared about going back on them. My 2nd option is another surgery. However, because I've had so many female surgeries in the past, this surgery will be tricky. And, if they get in there, and if my ovary is bad enough, they'll have to remove it, and I'll go into early menopause. And, well, I don't think my heart can handle that either. So once again, I'm lost. I have no idea what the hell to do anymore.....and quite frankly I'm tired of making all these life altering decisions. I just want to live. I just want to get on with my life, and yet, there's always something holding me back.

And yet, on the flip side.......I'm doing my homework on this one. I've been trying to read everything I can get my hands on, and I'm taking notes! I also have a list of questions that I can't find the answers to else where, and I plan on taking these with me to both GYNs. I see my regular one next week......and then I go back to the Specialist in the beginning of November to talk some more. (This was his first available appt, so I had to go with it.) But, it gives me time to get my second opinion......and check out a few other options, too. I'm determined to get to the bottom of this!!

And once again, I prove to myself that I'm not Crazy, Woo-Who!!!