Tha darn cyst is still there!!!

Thought I'd update on a few things....

Finally adjusting to my up'ed dose of medicine, and finally at the big dose......Still feeling a little groggy in the morning~ but I can handle it.

Went it for my follow-up ultrasound on my ovary, and that cyst is still there. It's been there for about a year now, and I'm thinking from what was said the other day, that they're gonna want to go in there and get it. I have drug this on for as long as I could, and it may now be the time for me to surrender. I only have one ovary left, and I'm not ready to part with it yet....but sometimes, you gotta do whats right.......and I guess getting this cyst (which is now bleeding into itself) bothers them. Well....to be honest, it bothers me too~ Pretty darn painful at times, but pain is something I can deal with, most of the time. I go back in 2 weeks to talk to the doctor. In September I meet with a new specialist, and I'd really like to talk with him before I go in for surgery. I have questions that these doctors can't answer...I hate it when you ask them something, and they say they don't know> Very frustrating...They are suppose to know everything, lol!!!

** And my nephew will be here any day now. That's what I live for, Family....and I've been waiting a long time to be an Aunt! Hopefully, it all works out, and I can be there to hold her hand through this! 2 weeks till her due date!! WooWho!!!

Thanks for listening

OK, so yesterday I still felt like a brick, spent the morning trying to keep my eyes open, then around 2, I feel asleep...slept till 9:30, then back asleep again at midnight. So either this double dose of medicine is kicking my butt, or I just needed some sleep. Today my eyes are a little more open, but I still feel groggy! Definitely feeling an afternoon nap coming on.....

...upped the dose on my Amitriptyline to 50mg last night, and woke up feeling like a brick. Yuck! Not sure if I want to take it to 75mg like the doctor suggested. Will have to wait and see if the morning yuckies wear off after a few weeks. I hate feeling like I'm glued to the couch...... Zombie Mode is another way of explaining it......

Well....Things went well today.

Saw my head doc this morning.... Learned that I really need to go into my symptoms more. Realized that I've just been going with the flow for years. I have issues with several body functions, and well, it's just become normal to me. I've had the proper work ups done, so I know I'm not dying, and that helps relieve some of that stress...But my symptoms are still here. I've gone through pain management therapy, and physical therapy and learned a lot about dealing with pain. I can't take any of the 'good pain killers', unless I want to spend the night vomiting, and when your in pain, throwing up doesn't help, neither does an IBS flair- which can also be a result of taking any pain medicine. I take hot/warm/cold baths, use a heating pad, a TENS machine, massage; trigger point rubbing, Sleep.....and then occasionally use Tylenol, Valium and recently Darvocet. Although I don't think I've taken one of those since last weekend, but then again...I've had the kids~ and I don't like 'being knocked out' when they're all here. OK...so I need to stop rambling again and get to a point. At some point I need to find a starting point, and work way way form head to toe, and get those 'symptoms' written down for someone to understand. Fun, huh.... I have tried this in the past and normally only last a few days recording things because I Hate Reliving It!! At least that's how I feel when I have to write about what happened.....then again, sometimes it can be therapeutic. So.....

I went to see the new GYN today, and I think I may be able to work with her. She's ordered another ultrasound......2 weeks from today, then I have a follow up appt. a month from then. I think she understands where I'm coming from with not wanting to go back on Hormone therapy, and understands my need to try and keep my only ovary. I just turned 31 this past April, and I'm not ready for menopause yet. And I don't think my body will handle that too well~ thinking it may affect the dysautonomia. However she did ask me when was the 'last time someone scoped me'......and I didn't really realize that it has been 5 years. Actually the last time someone looked inside was when I had that abscess removed, and the Foley ball temporary put in. Wonder what's happened in there since then? So...as usual...time will tell. Oh...and she upped my Amitriptyline......can't remember why exactly.....but I'm off to find out, lol.

**OK, so Amitriptyline (of which was originally prescribed to me for migraines) can also be used for chronic pain that is nerve related, anxiety disorders, and a few other unrelated (to me) things. So I'm assuming she's upped the dose to control my 'chronic pain'. At least that's my opinion. **Other uses: Carpul Tunnel Syndrome , IBS, and internal cystitis may all be treated with amitriptyline.
and Due to amiptriptyline's ability to induce sleepiness, it is sometimes used to treat insomnia

See ya next time:)

Rambling on again....

Thought I'd update you on where I'm at this week.

So I found a lawyer in the area that has agreed to look at my file for me. However, I also found out that it's going to take this disabilitly office at least 2 months to 'get to the request' for that file.......and considering I have about 2 weeks to get this appeal filed, I had to laugh. In more ways than one, I screwed myself.....and if there's a bit of hope out there.....I can fix this....maybe. First, I have to muster up the energy and the courage to walk my ass through those big metal doors and beg, whine and plea. I'm not good at this, I'm not good at complaining. I read on a blog the other day where someone was talkng about pain, and not realizing how much pain they were in because it was just a part of who they were. And in turn, it made me look at my life. I don't complain about things on an everyday bases because I'm just used to it. Well, I can't say I used to it, but it is a part of who I am. From the pain in my abdomen, to the irratic heat beats.....it is what it is. However, I guess I need to learn how to complain....how to really express my symptoms, and not just try and sugar coat them for other people. I mean come on....When some one asks me how I'm doing, My normal response is 'Fine'..... No one wants to hear that I woke up with a migraine around 2....couldn't go back to sleep......had to puke around 3...and then I slept in the tub till 6....... And today I'm dragging. I'm alive ain't I? Then I'm Fine, you see? Oh My....I''m talking in circles again, huh??? LOL> Welcome to my world.....around and around we go....

So, I meet with a new OBGYN tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. I don't know what my problem is, But I have yet to find an OB that I can get along with, and I have seen A Lot. I feel as if they never truly listen to me, and I'm not one to make shit up. I'm just so overly in tune with my body. I know this now..... It took me awhile to trust myself again, still very angry with the doctors that once made me doubt myself......But in the long run, It taught me to Trust My own Body!! And my own instincts. Hopefully this OB tomorrow can get on the same page with me....and if not, then at least I'll be able to get my follow-up ultrasound to check on that cyst. I do still plan on being stubborn about No more birth control.....and about not rushing into any kind of surgery.....If I've said it before I'll say it again......I'd like to keep this ovary as long as I can. In September, I'll meet a specialist who deals with Dysautonomia patients, and hopefully he'll be able to answer all those questions I have. I'm curious to see how the reproductive system and hormones effect dysautonomia patients......

OK, I'm off to get my questions ready for tomorrow.....I have to write stuff down or I forget!