Rambling on again....

Thought I'd update you on where I'm at this week.

So I found a lawyer in the area that has agreed to look at my file for me. However, I also found out that it's going to take this disabilitly office at least 2 months to 'get to the request' for that file.......and considering I have about 2 weeks to get this appeal filed, I had to laugh. In more ways than one, I screwed myself.....and if there's a bit of hope out there.....I can fix this....maybe. First, I have to muster up the energy and the courage to walk my ass through those big metal doors and beg, whine and plea. I'm not good at this, I'm not good at complaining. I read on a blog the other day where someone was talkng about pain, and not realizing how much pain they were in because it was just a part of who they were. And in turn, it made me look at my life. I don't complain about things on an everyday bases because I'm just used to it. Well, I can't say I used to it, but it is a part of who I am. From the pain in my abdomen, to the irratic heat beats.....it is what it is. However, I guess I need to learn how to complain....how to really express my symptoms, and not just try and sugar coat them for other people. I mean come on....When some one asks me how I'm doing, My normal response is 'Fine'..... No one wants to hear that I woke up with a migraine around 2....couldn't go back to sleep......had to puke around 3...and then I slept in the tub till 6....... And today I'm dragging. I'm alive ain't I? Then I'm Fine, you see? Oh My....I''m talking in circles again, huh??? LOL> Welcome to my world.....around and around we go....

So, I meet with a new OBGYN tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. I don't know what my problem is, But I have yet to find an OB that I can get along with, and I have seen A Lot. I feel as if they never truly listen to me, and I'm not one to make shit up. I'm just so overly in tune with my body. I know this now..... It took me awhile to trust myself again, still very angry with the doctors that once made me doubt myself......But in the long run, It taught me to Trust My own Body!! And my own instincts. Hopefully this OB tomorrow can get on the same page with me....and if not, then at least I'll be able to get my follow-up ultrasound to check on that cyst. I do still plan on being stubborn about No more birth control.....and about not rushing into any kind of surgery.....If I've said it before I'll say it again......I'd like to keep this ovary as long as I can. In September, I'll meet a specialist who deals with Dysautonomia patients, and hopefully he'll be able to answer all those questions I have. I'm curious to see how the reproductive system and hormones effect dysautonomia patients......

OK, I'm off to get my questions ready for tomorrow.....I have to write stuff down or I forget!