Well.....Friday my head doc told me she will be retiring in July. Actually, she told me a few months ago that she was thinking about it, so I kinda new it was coming. However, I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I started seeing her in June of 2005, two months after I had my hysterectomy. I was told by a few medical doctors that I needed psych eval. because I kept complaining that something was wrong. LOL...isn't that how it always happens. Anyways, I went to see the psych, and it was the psych that pushed me to keep looking until I found anwsers. It was that one voice in the background that kept saying what if..... *And in August of 2005 my insides literally came out~ long story, don't feel like getting into that right now......but an abscess had grown in place of where my uterus used to be and had attached itself to my bowels, and the whole thing decide it wanted to come out. Not a fun experience, and in fact I can't even say how I really feel about it because I might get arrested for idol threats. So, with that said....it has been my therapist that has kept my head on for the past couple of years. It was nice that she was with me to see what I went through at that point in my life. For 4 months I did everything but throw myself on the floor and scream to try and get them to understand that something wasn't right.....actually, if you ask a few of them, they'll tell you I did scream and yell, I just didn't throw myself on the ground. It was the therapist that has been the one to tell me that I'm not crazy, and you know what...sometimes you need to hear that from someone! She's been here to listen to me talk about the 3 heart surgeries, and the whole breast issue, which btw...she got on me about getting it looked at again! But for real, for Real.......I just don't want to start over with anyone else. She already knows everything...She knows I really am crazy :) But not the kind of crazy that those stupid other doctors convinced me I was. yup~ I was really starting to lose my mind there before the sky feel out. And after the surgery of them putting my insides back together, I was pissed! Still feel very angry about the whole thing. I just can't seem to let go of some of the things that were said by certain doctors. But I can vent to her, and she knows I'm just venting, that it is what it is, and I'm going to get up tomorrow and try this again. She knows I'm in it for the long run, I can't give up~ I'm a Momma. What would my kids think of me! They've seen me over come so much! My 2 oldest both have health issues too and have needed this strength to get through the rough times.. I can't give up~ or they'd give up. I don't care if it kills me, I will be there for those kids.
A long time ago....I was on bed rest and stuck on the couch for a month.......I was crying one afternoon because I couldn't go out side and 'play' with the kids like I used to.....And my son came in and said the magic words. "It's ok Mom.....you might not be able to come outside, but we always know where you are, and you're always here when we need you!!".....Makes me cry just thinking about it. I had never looked at it like that and it made me think of things in a different way! He was right....I might not be able to run around the yard and act like a fool with them, but I could just sit and be there for them. I can honestly thank my kids for me still being here. It's the whole reason I try and keep my head up.
Anyways, lol.....getting back to the point of this post....Do I want to start over, or do I want to try this on my own for awhile......time will tell.
LOL...On the brighter side of things.....My doc is ready to retire so she can craft!! LOL.....can you see why we get along so well!! I don't blame her...she's been working for over 40 years and she's ready to take some time for herself. I wish her all the luck in the world and hopefully we'll run into each other some where down the road at a crft show or something. Life has a funny way of coming back around to you!
Any chance she'll get into minis? ;-)
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