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Yes! I know....I really need to get in here more than I do, but I find it so hard to whine and complain everyday about what is. I can't change it, but it does help sometimes to just be able to talk about it! I got a really encouraging letter the other day from a lady who thanked me for sharing my story. It really made me feel good to know that this blog may help someone else. I wish I had more of a support system then I did when I first starting going through all this crap. Some days I'd like to think that I'm on the tail end of this ride, and that it has to be all up hill from here. So if I can help someone else that is just starting out with any kind of chronic illness, I will.

A long time ago I went to college to get a degree in Psychology, and I wanted to do Art therapy. I had to withdrawal from school when I first got sick, which still bothers me.....but I just couldn't do it all! But, now that I'm starting to get some where with myself....I still think about going back to school to do this. I want to be able to help people express what they can not say.....I want to teach 'crafts' to people that can't get out of bed. I've been there, and I know how Boring it is.....If I wasn't an 'artist' I do believe that I would of already lost my mind by now!!! There's only so much TV a person can watch in a day!

I remember one of the times my daughter was in ICU, and the activity people brought us paper and paint! I started 'borrowing' things from the nurses stash, and Cora and I had a blast! We used cotton balls, q-tips, gauze......our fingers......She was maybe 4 or so.....it was one of her first ICU visits.....I was so proud of her for staying strong that I framed the picture we painted. I wanted her to remember the good times, in the hospital, not the bad....And I wanted her to know how proud I was for dealing with all that happens. For those of you that don't know, Cora is my daughter, and she has asthma~ and I think she's got my dysfunctional system. It scares the hell out of me!! I don't want her to have to go through what I have gone through. It really sucks watching your baby in ICU year after year......but we're starting to get the hang of it. We are getting so good at it, she hasn't had to stay in the hospital for over a year now!! Last summer she came close, but we were out of town~ lol...all the way across the country in Ca., and I begged the ER doctor to give her the right meds, and release her. No way was I missing our flight home! Although we have gotten smart over the years, and now buy insurance with our tickets....cause you never know who will get sick with us. And btw, last year was the first time I had flown in over 10 years...I don't do very well in the air. I'll just put it this way, when we flew to Ca. I went through my barf bag, my daughter's barf bag....and then used both of those boys bags, before the flight attendant brought me a trash bag! LMAO!!! I thought that was so funny, how embarrassing to be offered a BIG trash bag, cause you keep filling up the little doggie bags too fast!! I walked off the plane with vomit all down the front of me...and could of cared less. LOL...When we got to the terminal we were suppose to be at, the kids sat in the chairs and played their Gameboys, while I curled up under them, and waited for the airport to stop spinning.......My poor kids!!! I am so embarrassing sometimes!!!

OK...back to what I was saying....What was I saying??? LOL...I forgot.....Oh...I was talking about school and art therapy. Maybe one day my heart will behave enough for me to trust myself to go to school again. Some days I can barely remember where I put the car keys, and anytime I need to figure something out, I have to sit down and read the directions, a few times, before I try and fix it, then I'll end up breaking it, to spend another week or so wondering where I went wrong. Algebra...forget it, I didn't even understood it before the 17 surgeries.....and Well, I'll just say the kids are lucky I can remember their names some days! LOL.....However, it you need percents of prices or want me to count backwards by 7s starting with like 96 or something, Then Yes....I can do it so quick I may even impress you....Isn't it crazy how that works??? Ok....Have I babbled on long enough, LOL?!!

So...want an update? :)
*We're dropping a day of PT because my numbers are looking really good:) I really, really believe in Physical Therapy~ it does pay off to do it!!!

*No news about the CT yet, But....like I said before, No news is good news:)

*Haven't had the night sweats since the last time I posted! :) Haven't had a migraine this week:)

*Heart, dizziness and PVC are bothersome. Some days its worse. Showers still get me, so does talking a lot. (Heart rate goes into the 140s-160s when showering) I do fine with the dizziness as long as I'm sitting still. But trying to shop kills me! You know how when your in the grocery store and trying to find something on the shelf....and you're scanning the aisle trying to find what your looking for....It's even worse at the craft store when your trying to look through the bead aisle or something~ lol.....Impossible!! Makes me drunk! Normally when I go in somewhere, I go to where I need to be, get what I gotta get, and get out of there. LOL......When we go to Wallmart, I just walk real slow and try not to look at everything. The on and off ramp on the interstate is like a roller coaster ride for me, lol. Bending over is no good either! I have been tested for vertigo, and No...that's not it, it's just a blood pressure thing. This is what keeps me from getting a job! Well, that and my legs and my bladder...and the migraines, and the IBS, and the depression and my Big mouth....hahaha!

*Appetite hasn't been great, but Bowels have been really painful! Felt like my insides were falling out yesterday~ took a Valium after waiting for it to go away for a few hours, and the Valium seemed to take the edge off. So did going to bed early! Bladder doing good as long as I don't eat Italian food......and I love Italian food!!! Pizza and Spaghetti! Yum!

*My legs have been really bothering me.....I get white spots on my legs when I sit or stand still. I have no idea why and neither do the 10 doctors I've been to see about it.....One day I need to do a post about that.........Just wondering if any one else has seen this, and what the H E double hockey sticks it is?? Sorry.....getting to where I can almost type as fast as I think, so there's no telling what I might say...

Let's see..........anything else??? Nope......lol......well nothing I can think of, lol!

Oh...I do see the heart doc on Monday. Starting to write my list now. I do recommend this. Write down questions you may have for your doctor before you go. If you're like me, you'll get in there and forget everything you wanted to talk about. Or the doctor will be in a rush and you'll forget to ask. And don't give the list to the doctor! LOL....Then you'll both forget. Instead...when the doctor ask if there's anything else, Say Yes....and pull out your list. Or you can just put it on the bed next to you so the doctor at least sees you have it~ LOL, gives them a warning that they may have to spend the whole 15 minutes you get actually talking to you. This is your life, and we are paying them for the expertise in the field they know best. Remember they are only human too....and are just trying to do they're job, although sometimes it may not seem like it.

And with that said....I'm getting off here, and going to lie down on the couch and watch the end of Grease!!!

Talk to you soon!!