I needed a little pick me upper...

Well........
Let's get caught up....

We'll start with the heart doc. I saw him a few weeks ago......just felt a little confused when I left, and really didn't know how to explain it. When I saw him last, he must of been in an 'experimental' mood, because I do remember talking to him about the surgery(ies) and him telling me to bring my family with me the next time I came, so he could talk to them about it, too.....But when I went to see him the other day, he didn't think surgery would be good at this time. Let me explain why (at least this is why I think why)......1. There's no guarantee that it will work, or that it will last. 2. The meds I'm on right now are controlling my heart rate pretty well, but make me feel like crap~Tired and Lazy feeling, Sloth like.....but they're doing their job, most of the time.....3. This surgery would only fix one symptom...and not everything. 4. I've already had 3 of these kinds of surgeries, and he doesn't want to put me through any more unless he can promise good results. And 5........the said he had recently gotten a bunch of new information in, but hadn't had the chance to read it yet......that there was a new medicine out that had less side-effects. He wanted to be able to get this stuff read, and told me to come back in a month so we could talk some more. So, Yea! I left a little confused, but like I said, I see why he's doing what he's doing........My next appointment is Sept. 4~ His 'first available'.

I also met with the new OBGYN. He told me that the ovarian vein wouldn't be able to 'compress' any of those things around it. Told me that this 'Pelvic Congestion Syndrome' is something that they label you with when there's nothing else to say. Nice! Although I understand what he;s saying, I still can't help but to wonder. So, dropping that and moving forward.....He's ordered an ultrasound, which will be done on Aug. 13th, followed by another appt with him. Yup! It's always a waiting game, isn't it!! He felt some strange things in my abdomen, so I'll be curious to see if it's anything, or it was just a fluke?? I did get him to check my breast, and he told me I really needed to get this thing removed......I laughed and told him, I had tried....and that it was a cat and mouse game. It swells up and then goes away....and it always seems to be MIA on the days I see the surgeon. But it hurts, and the pain radiates through my chest. I know it's boob pain and not heart pain, cause the only time I get this kind of pain is when it's swollen......So I called and made another appointment with the breast surgeon for August 18....Hopefully We can solve this problem soon, Cause I am Damn sure over it!!!

Let's see.....I had my last appointment with my 'head' doc Friday. She's retiring.......and Friday was her Last day. I made sure to take a 'happy' pill before I went and saw her. No way was I going to sit through our visit and cry!!! She's been my savior over the past few years....almost 4 and 1/2 years actually!! She's been the one to back me up, and remind me that I'm not crazy......When I felt like I was bothering the doctors about something, she told me to bother away.......I don't think I would of had the drive to seek the answers I so desperately needed! I don't know what I would of done without her!! I hope she knows how much she helped me get through all this shit! It was nice to have someone one my side through this whole thing. She has seen me go through the worst of times, she was there to let me yell and cry about how much it sucked! I will forever be grateful for her support!!

I'm a little nervous to start over with someone new, but I do think having someone to vent with helps. Family and friends can only take so much before it overwhelms them. And I need someone to complain to, lol!! So....my new quest of finding a psychologist begins.

Oh...and while I thinking of it......the OB suggested trying Prozac to help with my females problems. First, we have to check and see if it will have any bad side effects if I use it with the meds. I already take. He says studies show that it helps with female cramps, night sweats, ect. I'd do anything to get rid of these freaking night sweats! I hate waking up soaking wet everyday. It's ridiculous!! I only have one ovary left and he wondered if maybe it was working for both. Tests and time will tell.....I like this guy, he seems to be covering all his bases with me so far....He did pick up on my high anxiety though...lol......I can be a little wiry some days. And that day I was totally amped!! LOL....I do like being hyper~ helps me get things done. Without it, I might curl up in a ball and call it quits! But then again...it has it downfalls too......cause with every high......there's a low.....And I'm sure that here in another week or so, I'll be crashing and sleeping lots!!

I do have to admit. The reason I'm on this high, is because I totally overdid it this past week!! I had to take my kids to camp...and it's an eight hour drive both ways. No way can I sit that long, so I plan little trips along the way that involve lots of walking....I have to do something to get the blood flow back in my legs. 2 hours of driving and my legs are totally numb...I have to rub them, and keep them moving or they misbehave! So.....I make sure we stop, get out of the car, and enjoy life. This is the only 'vacation' I get every year, and I try to take advantage of it. I try and plan activities that I know I can do.....anything that involves just walking, and I'm there....I am finding out though, that I can only walk for a little while before I want to sit down and take a breather. But that's OK, cause I'm the official picture taker, so I can sit back and watch everyone else do stuff. Another thing I've learned is that I don't get hungry when I'm in this state of speed...nor can I have a BM. Guess you could say that my body is too tense to relax enough. I do, however, make sure I drink lots of Gatorade and this time I ate salty peanuts and Cheez-its.
It sucks cause I wish I could leave this illness at home when I went on vacation!! I get so dizzy going through the mountains...and this time we went almost all interstate, and I still got drunk! And the elevation change gave me a migraine. I had to take a Tylenol first, (Yes! I know...it's so simple, but when your 'allergic' to all the good stuff, you learn to deal with the simple stuff. Or try to deal with it.....).......the Tylenol didn't work, so I ending up taking something a little stronger and was finally able to fall asleep. I don't sleep well when my body is on overdrive, either, So I found myself back awake when the sun came up, with a mild headache....and another full day planned out. Once we came out of the mountains, my headache went away.....Until I got home. Now my allergies are acting up, but they're livable:) I'm starting to come done. My bowels finally relaxed enough to do what they needed to do, but have gotten a little to overwhelmed and my IBS is kicking in. Still not 'tired' yet.....I'm sure it will come though....it always does.

I think I'm also on full speed because I might be on my cycle. My breast is swollen, and I'm having the night sweats, my inside hurt...so hopefully over the next few days that too will slow down and I can get some much needed rest!! This is how it is............It's like a roller coaster, only mine last for days at a time!

However! I needed this 2 day trip to recharge myself. I just can't help but to sit along side that river and absorb the energy that came from the passing waters. I can't explain it, But I can say....it's the little things like this that make me want to keep going. Mother Earth's beauty is so powerful..........She has so many wonderful things to offer us. Better than any pill I could take! Just to sit out there and breathe........ Totally amazing!!!

And with that said....I think I'm done. For now anyways.......lol......