New listing in Etsy

Finally got the potting table listed in etsy.. 

I almost don't want to part with it.. But I've got to clear out this house so I can make room for new stuff.. 

I've also reduced the prices on a few things to try and clear out my inventory.. 

And hopefully before Christmas I can get the Christmas stuff listed. I did make some Christmas tree shelves using different trims:) but still need to add a star to the top... They look much better in person- I've been slowly dragging out the Christmas stuff to try and take some great pictures, just keep getting sidetracked... 

 I am moving at a snails pace over here, I do apologize.. You know how life can be sometimes. I still can't find my muse... Makes it really hard to be creative.. I just miss having full use of my hand and need to suck it up... You can see how much of the tip I lost- and oneday I will get it fixed! It still hurts- and is making me sad. I just want my old life back... 

... Until Next Time...

Alright, Let's Talk about this finger..

I know it's been a long time.. And as my Famous last words go, I will be back later to catch you up on all the other stuff. But I've been promising my readers from Katie's Clay Corner that I would talk about my hand here. And just to bring you up to speed and to I guess finally come out of the closet a little.. I shall start at the beginning. At the end of February, I got my hand slammed in the front door and broke my ring finger and my middle finger.... On my Right hand!  They also had to sew my middle finger back on at the top knuckle. The doctors still call it a crushing injury. I shattered the bones at the end of my fingertip, and over the past few months those bones have bonded together to form a piece that is now suspended in scar tissue. This X-ray was taking a week ago... Four months after the injury. 

That's my fingertip to the left of the other bone. For the past four months I've been going through physical Thearpy to learn how to use my fingers again. Then last week, the surgeon put me back in physical Thearpy to start working on loosening up the scar, cause there's a good chance they are going to have to go back in and remove those bones.. And then we get to start this process all over again!! 

This is what it looks like today.. It is still swollen. I have to massage it daily... And do other amusing things like play with beans and rice and rub my finger over carpet to desensitize it. You know, cause I have nothing better to do with my time. 

Sigh... I dunno. Add it to the list. Seriously? What's a lemon without a screwed up hand right, It only makes sense, lol. At this point in my life, I have to  laugh... You know how sometimes in life you ask your self what else could possibly go wrong, and then the sky falls out, yea.. So you stop asking, and learn to look at the bright side. 

I can still create!

Well.... Hello There. Seems Its been forever since I've been in here and I'm not even sure when the last time I posted was. But I thought it was time to get in here and update my life.

...ok.... I peeked. LMAO- It's almost been a year since I've updated this blog... That's terrible, huh!
....But thinking back now. I needed a break. It just got to be too much. Doctor appt after doctor appt.... I just had to take a few months and hide from the doctors. Can't hide from my body, but I can hide from them wanting to learn more about me....understand?

However... It's back to the real world again, and I am finding myself overwhelmed again. But I'm headed in the right direction so I feel good about that.

Breaking it down... Or else I'll get lost, lol...

We will start with the cysts on my only ovary. They're still here and causing problems. I have however Finally found an OBGYN that I like, and that I think I can get on the same page with. I met with her recently.... and she agreed to do the surgery, but... it's just not that easy. I have had a lot of female surgeries, so there's going to be a lot of scar tissue and adhesion's involved. And some of my other doctors and I believe that my bowels may be involved so she wants to have a gastronoligst with her. But then there's my heart and it's electrical issues.... If I lose  my ovary I will have to be put on hormones, and my cardio and me just don't think my body is going to do too well with that. So I'M LOST. She wants me to start the hormones- birth control now, but I'm scared to death to. My heart has been causing a lot of issues lately and that scares that crap out of me. I feel like I'm on high speed all day. My heart meds aren't really making a difference.... and I don't know if it's my heart or anxiety or both. I did make an appt to see the nurse at my heart docs office because he is out of town until the end of the month, but then missed the appt because I overslept. I can't sleep...and the night before I didn't fall asleep until 6am... and totally screwed up everyone's morning. It really sucks cause I just want to slow down.....

A while back I started seeing a neurologist for neuropathy....who also knows about dysautonomia. He ran his tests... and it was agreed by both of us to try a treatment of Topamax to see 'if we could get the nerve fibers in my legs to try and regrow" ....but OMG...did it make me stupid. Really stupid. I also lost all the weight I had worked so hard to gain back. I'm around 130 now...think I was 178 at my highest... and I'm at my lowest now. I'm almost off the meds now, the doctor wanted me to come off of them so I could get my mind back... and then when I was there he could feel a mass in my stomach(the cyst on my ovary) and it had my bowels shut down. I almost... I'm taking I was at the surgeons office begging... had to have a hemorrhoid the size of a lima bean removed, but THANK GOD they make wonderful meds that shunk it. Not to mention I spend a few nights sleeping in the tub. But I do that often to stay warn, so its no big deal. Yes, now that I'm thin again I can not hold my body temp worth a shit. Anyways.... the newer test results show that the meds might not have any impact on my legs, but they did seems to change my numbers for the better in other areas- For example... I don't sweat like I used to. So.... He wants to try the meds again one day, But there is No way my family will let me/us go through that again.

And then here recently I started seeing another specialist that is new to the area who specializes in Dysautonomia. His office is in the same building where I had all my heart surgeries...and I must admit...riding the elevator up to my first appt made me cry. It just wasn't a place I thought I'd have to come back too. But... I lke this new doctor. I'm not sure if he's too sure about me yet, but we will see. Tuesday I spent the morning at the hospital doing bloodwork. As the nurse put it... I brought her a book, lol. She cracked me up all morning. And I felt so bad for her. Some of the bloodwork that was ordered will be going to the Mayo clinic for them to test... and she had no clue what it was. It wasn't her fault... she just hadn't heard of it. Something about a blah blah paranormal.... and then we were both rolling. I told her the docs have checked everything else, Now they want to make sure I wasn't ET. In my head I know he's testing autonomic stuff...but I couldn't tell you what it said. I've got too much going on to remember everything. He will probably be doing a tilt table test at some point, which I am NOT looking forward too... But hey, if it helps narrow it down for them, then whatever....I'm just along for the ride right?

So...that's where I'm at....lost....confused...and still trying to live life.

One life to Live

Oh my....
Am I way overdue on a post, huh!!

So... the last time I was here, I had just gotten my packet from Social Security.

However, since that time....... I decided to let it go. The whole thing stresses that crap out of me. I feel like half the tests I have gone through were taken just so someone else would see what I'm talking about. And the judge just didn't get it. I ran out of energy I guess. I'm tired of arguing with some old man about something he has no clue about. He is NOT a doctor.... and he is not me. How in the world could he possible understand female problems? .... I didn't go down without a fight though. I reapplied.... spent a month getting my records together, and filled out a ton of paperwork(reliving every detail from the past several years)... and then got denied again. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm disabled. Anyways the whole thing was just too much. For the last 8 years.... All I've been able to focus on was how sick I was. ((It's been hitting me here lately- I was really sick there for awhile)) Now it's time to focus on moving froward! I'll have these problems for the rest of my life, and I'm tired of defending myself. Really, do you know how much easier it would be to just go to work.

So I opened an online store to sell 'my art'. It's nice having something positive to focus on! It doesn't pay the bills, but hey- it's more than I've made in Years, so that's a good thing! And it gets me out of the house everyday to see the drama at the post office. Yes, there's drama everyday at My post office, lol. But I like having something that I can do from bed. And when I'm tired, I can go to sleep.... and when I'm 'sick'- I can deal with that. If I'm having a bad day, I don't have to call in sick. I can just roll back over and sleep some more. If one of the kids needs me, I can drop what I'm doing (although they'd tell you I get pretty lost in my minis, lol) ,and take care of one of them. For example- Tuesday evening my oldest fell off his bike, and I had to take him to the ER to get his arm checked out. It was nice to be able to just go.... And when I got home, I went right back to crafting cause I was wide awake then. I take it as it comes, you know. One day at a time!

So while I'm here, Here's my recent complaint list, lol:

Abdominal pain- BM hurt like hell- I can feel them moving through my stomach and it feels like someone is dragging glass. Could be that cyst... could be scar tissue. Either way.... I'm living with it, till someone tells me I can't. They told me another surgery would be really rough, and well I'm just not ready for that... I'm still up and moving, so I'm good, right?! I do generally feel better....could be the meds, could be the stress?! My weight is back to where it is suppose to be- and now none of my clothes fit again. lol. I still get monthly migraines... I still wake up in the middle of the night vomiting? But I would have to say the hardest part is still my heart. I get dizzy standing up, I can't stand in one place for any amount of time with out my legs going numb... And I still get runs of SVT- really fast heart rate. I sweat so bad.... Had forgotten how bad until I tried to do some yard work the other day- I was drenched in 5 minutes! Oh, and my eyes don't want to dilate. It's horrible.... They start to burn, and water, and then water somemore. I've always been sensitive to the sunlight, but not like this.

But I'm living with it. I have managed to stay away from most of my doctors here lately, and that's a good thing:) I get tired of going! And I'm starting to realize that there might not be a 'fix-it' solution. Either I go in and get numerous tests done, so the doctor can understand it.... or I deal with it. One of the last doctors I saw has a plan for me to try this med, and max out on the dose, then if that doesn't work, he wants me to try this med at maxium dose...and so on. I also asked him before I left "What would happen if".... and when he answered with 'There's only one way to find out'.... I realized he didn't know anymore than I did, but was willing to try me out on this med, or that so he could understand it.... It hit me, I don't wanta play theirs games anymore. I'm tired. I spent the last 10 years trying to figure it all out, and I want to spend the next ten years focused on something else. I hope I'm making sense here.... I know I'm rambling. But it is where I am with it......

So with that being said, I will be back..... oneday. I have a life to live:)

Is that a little light I see?

I think there may be a little light at the end of this tunnel............... Finally!

My teeth have been bothering me A Lot the past few days, so my sleep schedule is all out of whack. So, yesterday afternoon, I took a nap.......... And when I woke up, I saw that there was a big envelope on the table with my name on it... And as soon as I saw the return address, I knew it was from Social Security. Do you remember months ago when I was trying to get a copy of my court records, so I could get my final appeal ready for court. Well, I had faxed the office requesting a copy of my court records, so I could find a lawyer. I also requested I get a 60 day extension from the receipt of those records, to file a new appeal. Well..... My request was granted, and I finally got my records:) So...... Now I have to get them to the lawyer I talked to months ago that offered to take a look at my case for me. And yet all I really want to do is go back to bed.........

I'll be back soon with all the other stuff, just wanted to document that I got my records:)

Come on tomorrow!

Ready to hear me whine some more?? Don't worry, Tomorrow I get to start taking my meds again, and hopefully then I'll be on our way to getting balanced back out....

SO.
Tuesday was another day I can classify as Awful! I was nauseous ALL day, didn't want to eat...and had a headache. For Lunch, I went with something simple, and ate a bowl of plain rice, and this seemed to settle my stomach. So for dinner I got brave and ate some left over pasta, and it seemed to settle ok. Although I was still nauseous, it wasn't really bad. About 5 hours later, It all decided to give me a run for my money. ((I'm thinking at this point my stomach really should of dissolved some of that rice and pasta, ya know??)) I normally don't get sick (vomit) unless I'm coming out of surgery, or have taken any kind of pain killers... or I've got a migraine....my point is that I normally do good in that department, Shees! Everyone in the house can have the flu, and it will skip right over me every time. But no....not Tuesday night. I spent A Lot of time with my head in the toilet.... not enjoying my pasta or rice the second time around. OMG It sucked the life right out of me. I can't remember the last time I got sick that many times. My poor body starting to go through the chills so I decided that crawling into a nice warm bath would be a good idea, and It was. We'll other than the fact that I can't get my right leg wet....the bath was really relaxing. I managed to get a 2 hour nap, 2 hours was all I could take of hanging my leg out of the tub/or bracing it on the wall. ((Tomorrow, I get my 2 little stitches out.... so hopefully here in the next week or so I can get in a normal bath. Normal meaning at least getting my whole body under water for a few hours:D)) After my cat nap................Oh, yeah! It was more like a kitty party. I think my cats know when I'm not doing good, cause they'll congregate around me as if I they're worried or something. The kitten thought at one point that I needed his head in the toilet with me, lol.... At least I wasn't lonely, huh! So after my interesting bath, I tried to sleep, and it just wasn't going to happen. So I watched a little TV and a few hours later I finally dozed off. Got up at 7 to feed the cats, and went straight back to bed. I was way to wobbly and dizzy for anything else. I got up around noon, and spent the day trying to reliquidfy myself. Water, chicken noodle soup.... and a little Gatorade. (Gatorade has been making my stomach icky the past few days, so I've been trying to not to drink it.) Over all, yesterday was better than the rest of the week. Then again, I sat/laid my ass on the couch all day and didn't do a thing..... Today, I'm still feeling like shit, lol.... but it's a normal shit so I can handle it. I think. We shall see.... I'm off in a little while to pick up my bestiest buddy, so he can help me do my grocery shopping......

~Wondering if I have have the flu? Or is it the weather changing that has gotten me, or is it me being of my meds, or a combination of things?? Either way.... it sucks. I will say that the kid, and the bf have a cold.... so it could just be a bad week. I just know I'm ready for it to end!

.....oh yeah......... I clocked my heart at 174 bpm last night.....Nice, huh! Hopefully they'll catch that at tomorrow's tests.

Alright I guess if I'm every gonna get motivated I better get off of here. I gotta go layer up, it's cold for me here......and get my butt in gear. Oh look at me go........ LMOA

Stop whinning and just do it already!

I feel like Shit!
YUP!
Pure shit!!

So....Here we are on day 4 with no meds, and I'm not having fun anymore...Well, I was never really having fun to begin with, but you get the picture. Let's see.... Day 1 I was pretty shaky.... but over all it went OK, although I did get a long nap in the afternoon. Day 2 was miserable. My IBS kicked in in the afternoon~ and it was miserable! let me see if I can explain this...... My stomach cramps up, and they're more like labor pains than anything else.... They come for a minute, then go for a minute, and then come for a minute, and so on...... And it the mean time, my heart starts to act up. I swear it feels like I'm having a heart attack. Someone one day is going to find me dead on the toilet over this, I just know it....So here I am, sitting on the toilet, feeling like my stomach is going to explode, my heart is pounding so hard, I'm just waiting for it to run away.... Then I feel like I'm gonna puke~ So at this point I'm still on the toilet, with my head in the tub, my heart pounding......and then like I need any more symptoms, I GET HOT! Really really hot~ So I turn the water on so I can let my hand run through it...and dump some cold water on my head. Yes, it's awful! And of course my body doesn't know 'how to cool down', so I go from sweating to the teeth chatters in about a second.... All while still sitting on the toilet. LOL~ Fun huh?? Well, that took everything out of me, so I went and curled up in the bed to get warm, and feel asleep....... And that was Sunday. Oh wait..... Sunday night I picked up Drew from his Grandmother's and some time between that and getting home, I had his 'cold'~ Now damn it, I haven't been sick in a while~ Not a cold sick anyways. Then again the weather changed this weekend....so it could be my allergies.

Monday.... I sat my ass on the couch allllll day! (Still feeling the effects of Drew's cold) My heart was going a million miles a minutes, and every time I got up, I felt drunk. It's starting to get colder here...so out came the thermals~ But overall is was an OK day..... except for laying down around 5 to take a nap, and then not waking up till 6 this morning.... Haven't had the night sweats in a few days, so it was nice to wake up dry. Being wet and cold is never a good thing!

And here I am on Tuesday.... Sick as a dog. And grumpy. Sometime last night, this 'cold' moved into my chest..... And I feel miserable. I so want to go back to bed....but I can't. I have therapy this morning...I really really need to go grocery shopping, the cats are out of food.....And I need to find the electric bill! I put all this off yesterday.....but since I have to go out anyways today... I'm just gonna have to do it. Yup! That's my motto for the day....Just Do It!

we shall see how far I get later, lol

So, Until Next Time.....